A Song for Megan

A few days after we received Megan, I heard a song on the radio that made me tear up. It's a song I've heard dozens of times and always loved it, but now it has deep meaning for me. It's actually a love song, but it describes how I feel about the journey we went through to receive precious Megan.

You might know the song. It's a country tune by Rascal Flatts called "Bless the Broken Road." I'm listing the lyrics, but changing a few words (in italics.)

Click here to listen to the original song as you read my lyrics.

Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find a child along the broken road
But I got hurt a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Trials that broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing you on your way into my loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the time I spent crying by the wall
The years it took to get you here; you are worth it all.
But you just smile and take my hand
You always knew, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that has now come true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Birthmothers who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing you on your way into my loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

And now you have come here, home, into your mother's arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now that I'm tearing up all over again, I just have to say: I love you, Megan.

Cheeky!

Let's be honest. Megan has some amazing cheeks. And by amazing, I mean huge and adorable. Don't believe me? Here's proof: Strangers and friends alike constantly comment on her cheeks. They'll see her in her car seat and talk about how chubby she is. However, her cheeks are deceiving. She is not chubby. The rest of her is just perfect. Don't believe me? Here's proof:
Isn't she perfect? The proof that she's perfect is on her onesie. (it says: "perfect")

If you add up the cutie chunky cheeks and the not-so-chunky-rest-of-the-baby, the whole package is pretty dang cute. Don't believe me? Here's proof:
(Notice my arm on the left side of the picture. It's the same color as the white blanket! That's because it snowed last week but it apparently hasn't melted off my arm).

Like mother, like daughter. We both carry our weight in our cheeks. Don't believe me? Here's proof:

(Well, sorry, I have no proof of that one. I didn't want to showcase my bootie on the internet.)

Ode to Lacey's Song Skills

Here is a picture of my sister Lacey.
Isn't she gorgeous? I'm sure she probably hates this picture but I think she's so dang beautiful, and, frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't been snatched up by some hot boy at BYU.

Anyway, that's beside the point.

Lacey joined Jared, Megan & I for dinner tonight at Jared's folks' house. On the way home, Lacey started singing a song, and here's the conversation that commenced: (if you sing along, it will make this reading experience much more enjoyable for you)

Lacey (singing): "Old McDonald had a farm and BINGO was it's name-o." Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. Why would he name his farm Bingo?

It's because the dog is Bingo.

Lacey: "Old McDonald had a dog and Bingo was it's name-o. B-I-N-G-O, B-I,-" Old McDonald had a dog?

No, Lace. There was a farmer who had a dog...

Then, how does the McDonald one go?

E-I-E-I-O.

So, "there was a farmer who had a dog, E-I-E-I-O."

No, Lacey. "Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O."

"...and on that farm he had a dog?"

Close enough, Lacey. I guess you're not going to be teaching Megan her nursery rhymes.

We love you, Aunt Lacey!

Family Frenzy... WARNING: lots of pictures!

Our house is a bit too small for 7 adults and 3 kiddos. Just sayin'. At the beginning of November (yeah, I know... I'm really behind on this post), my mom & dad flew in from Michigan, my sister Jasmin & her baby Charlie flew in from Texas, my sister Desiree & her baby Tommy flew in from Washington, and my sister Lacey (who lives in Provo) came to stay with us! Count us all... yep, you guessed it! 7 adults and 3 kiddos. It was so fun to have them all here. It's not very often we get together with my side of the family. Unfortunately, we were missing a few siblings, but we were happy with what we could get.

In fact, here's a picture of all 10 of us:

Essentially, everyone came to meet Megan. However, my sister Lacey thought everyone came out to Utah to celebrate her birthday, and we'll let her believe whatever she wants :) .

The get-together might not have happened if it weren't for my sister, Jasmin, who just moved to Bahrain with her family. You see, my mom was just going to come out, but then my sister Jasmin realized she wouldn't meet Megan for a very long time, and my sister Desiree jumped on the bandwagon as well. It was the one last "hurrah" before Jasmin left the country for a while.

It was so great to see everyone. We didn't have enough beds in our house, so here's what the sleeping situation looked like:

Well, just kidding. Lacey didn't sleep on the coffee table. But, she did sleep on the couch, and my parents slept in the basement. Both Jasmin & Desiree each got their own room to share with their sons.

Megan's baby blessing was on Noember 8, which just happened to be exactly one month from the day Megan was born (and Lacey's birthday)! I think most babies are usually blessed when they're a little older, but since my family was in town, we thought it would be the best time for the blessing. Here is Megan in her Blessing Gown (which is the same gown my father was baptized in almost 58 years ago!)
This beautiful photo was taken by my mother. What a great shot!

A few other pictures, just for fun:

This is at the Lunchoen at my in-laws' after the Blessing. In order: Charlie (belonging to Jasmin), Kienan (belonging to my SIL Andrea), Megan, Jae (belonging to cousin Mikensi), and Tommy (belonging to Desiree)
3 cousins together (Tommy, Megan, and Charlie)

Then, there's my parents with Megan.

I really wished we would have gotten a picture of Jasmin, Desiree & I with our babies. We planned on it, but I guess just never got around to it. The weekend went by much faster than we thought it would!

Lastly, as an ode to a doting Grandma, here's a picture of Grandma Paulson and baby Megan. My mom stayed to visit for a whole week! She was able to spend lots of time with precious Megan, especially during my piano lessons I taught. It was just so nice to BE with my mom. Like I said, I don't get to see her very often, and so I really enjoyed my time with her.

(Megan apparently had ants in her pants during this picture)

Our next get-together with the Paulson Clan will be some time next summer in Michigan. So, until then, adios family! (a special shout-out to my sweet sister Jasmin who is across the world in Bahrain!)

Harmony. Out.

Scrappin' Deal

If you live in Utah Valley or you're coming to Utah Valley before Christmas and you like a good deal on scrapbooking stuff, My Blog is The Place.

A friend told me about this incredible "warehouse sale" for a company called American Crafts (sister company of Pebbles) happening in Orem through December 24th. The address is 476 North 1500 West, and I think they're open 9-4 all days except Sunday. I'm not really into "scrapbooking", (it takes too much time and it's uber-expensive) but I do make homemade cards.

Anyhoo, enough rambling. Here the the goods I got. I paid $50 and the merchandise is easily worth $275+.

Oh, and then I got a bunch of wrapping paper & bows for $15 (retail over $60):

So, to quote Bob Barker, "COME ON DOWN!"

Adios.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yep, it's my 28th birthday today. I don't usually mention to people when it's my birthday. I don't like all the extra attention. Not at a restaurant. Not at church. Not anywhere. So, normally, I wouldn't even mention it on my blog (for fear of someone commenting a "Happy Birthday.") However, since this is MY blog, and therefore a bit of a journal for me, I will mention that it's my birthday.

Every year for the past 5 years, I have guaged my birthday on my accomplishments. Unfortunately, I would always forget that I have an amazing husband, I would forget about my great job, wonderful family and friends, and the fact that I live in America and am a member of our Church. There was really only one accomplishment I cared about, and that was being a mother. So, maybe that's why I never liked my birthday, because it was a cruel reminder that I couldn't have kids. And I hated that. Every year I would be sad for myself (if anyone threw me a party it would have been a Pity Party), and every year I would say, "Well, maybe I'll be a mom next year, or maybe I'll be pregnant next year, or maybe we'll have adopted by next year" It never was the case. The next year would come and I would be neither a mom nor pregnant. And it hurt.

I know it's not healthy to think that way, but when you're in misery you always find a way to be miserable.

Fast-forward to today. This morning, Megan greeted me with a huge smile, followed by a huge surprise in her diaper. I was happy. SO happy. This year when Jared asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I didn't have to say "a baby" like I've said every year in the past. This year the answer was "I don't want anything. I have everything I need." (but I must admit, I did ask for a new watch).

But, it's true. It is such a joy to be Megan's mother. If I never get any presents again from anyone at any time, that's fine with me. I already have the Best Gift. I love my little family, and my little happy family is really all I need. Megan is such a blessing and words cannot begin to express how much I love that little person. She is so precious and I treasure her more than anything, next to my husband. I used to shed a tear on my birthday for lack of motherhood; now I shed a tear of joy on my birthday in rejoicing of motherhood. It's everything I dreamed it would be and much, much more.

I do not take motherhood for granted. I cherish every moment, every cry, every smile, every diaper change. I'm not saying I'm perfect- because I'm far from it- however, if there is one thing I hope I am, it is that I am a good mother. It's all I ever wanted to be since I was a child, and now it is reality. I hope that Megan looks back on her life when she's an adult and knows how much her parents love her. I hope she knows how much energy and time and heartache and pain we went through to get her, and that we wanted her so badly. And that once we received her, she was worth it and it was love at first sight.

Megan is the the most gorgeous baby girl I have ever seen. She is so funny, so perfect, so sweet, so darling, so tiny, and so... mine.

Happy Birthday to Mom.

A couple things I'm thankful for

I know it's a little late, but here are two very important and wonderful people I am thankful for.

Oh, and I just have to throw in this picture of Megan and her Thanksgiving outfit. Isn't she a doll?

Where's Waldo?

I dedicate this post to Waldo. I spent many an hour in my youth trying to find him amid colorful arrays of pages. For some reason, the Beach page comes to mind. I seem to remember a fat lady in a bikini on that page. Interesting.

Anyway, I challenge you to look in the picture below and see if you can find tiny Megan amid the sea of bed she is in:
Did you find her? (she's on the left side).

I do have a story to go along with this picture. You see, I was folding laundry in my room (as a good little wifey does) and I had Megan propped up on the pillow. She was just chillin' like a villian. I ran downstairs for a micro-second, and when I came back, her hands were above her head and she was sound asleep. It's a very common pose: hands above head. I guess it was just funnier because her hands really were above her head, as in higher elevation. Maybe I don't tell it well, but it was pretty darn cute. I laughed out loud when I saw it. She's just so stinkin' adorable!!

Sleepin' like a baby.

$38.92

I've never been to London. I've never been to France. I've never seen your underpants (thankfully). Here are some non-exotic places I have been: Wal-mart, Kinko's, and the Post Office.

Before today, all of my attempts to go to the Post Office have been rather uneventful. In fact, I am quite fond of the Springville Post Office. They 've got an itsy-bitsy spot in my heart. Today's visit was quite eventful, but not because of the Post Office.

You see, I had to send packages out to 3 of my sisters, and I didn't have any good boxes to wrap up the merchandise in. So, as I've done before, I planned on bringing the stuff and packaging it up at the Post Office. Normally this would not have been a problem. Now bring in Baby Megan. And flustered Mommy. That's the formula for disaster. Sigh.

I had 3 big plastic bags full of stuff I was sending to my sisters, and there was no way I could carry all of those plus Megan in her carseat into the Post Office. Wasn't gonna happen. But, I'm a smart cookie and planned ahead to bring my stroller so I could put the carseat into the stroller and free my hands. Fast-forward to today's incident.

Imagine me driving up to the Post Office (vrooom, vroom), lugging out the stroller from the trunk (ugh, ugh), setting it up (whoooup), getting Megan's carseat out of the car (whee, whee),putting the carseat into the stroller (click snap), holding all these plastic sacs and the diaper bag and strolling into the Post Office (huff huff, puff puff).

.

I felt kind of dumb, because, who brings a stoller into the Post Office? Well, I figured maybe people would assume I took a walk to get there. (Not that I really care what people think.) Then I proceeded to package up all the stuff, which probably took me 20 minutes because I couldn't find the right sizes and didn't know what would be cheapest. Finally, I get up to the counter, the lady tells me how much it's going to cost and I reach into my diaper bag.... NO WALLET! I just about died. After all that work to plan ahead, and I didn't even have my wallet!

I had to bring the lady back exact change, so I went back out to the car (huff huff, puff puff), put away the stroller (ugh ugh), put away the baby (whee whee), and drove home (vroom vroom) to get my wallet. Then, I had to drive to the Bank. I had to get Megan out of the car to make a withdrawl inside, then get her back in the car. Then I drove back to the Post Office, got Megan out, waddled inside, and handed the lady an envelope with $38.92 cash.

And, I still had to go to Wal-mart before Megan would wake up. (side note: while at Wal-mart, I left my wallet at the check-out line. Luckily some nice girl ran it out to me. Sheesh!)

What did I learn from all this?

1) it takes 600 times longer to do anything when you're carting around a baby

2) go to the Post Office when dad can watch the baby- just like he suggested.

Her sense of humor

Megan thinks she's SOOO funny. Obviously, she has demised a crazy plan in that little head to keep us on our toes. While she's sleeping, she plans things she's going to do to entertain herself when she's awake (which, besides the dirty-diaper-making, includes making her parents do whatever she wants them to do). Then, once she falls back asleep, she smirks, remembering how she's got her parents wrapped around her finger.

She thinks it's really hilarious to keep me at the changing table for 15 minutes, pooping through each new diaper I've put on her. I keep asking her, "are you done?" and I wait 5 more minutes. Then, as soon as I change the diaper, she poops and smiles some more.

Megan thinks it's funny to not let me get anything done. It's not that she's cranky or demands my attention; it's just that she has such cute facial expressions and is so darn adorable, that I have to play with her all day. She obviosly plans that one in her sleep, too.

Lastly, she thinks it's comical to play mind games with her momma. You see, when dad comes home every day, Megan is wide-awake for him. Time to play! But, the moment she's passed back to mom, she thinks she's hungry and needs to go to sleep. Apparently she wants me to think dad's the fun one. (well, actually, he is. That's what dads are for!)

But, the joke is on Megan! Ha! She has no idea how many hundreds of embarrasing pictures we have taken of her.

Two can play at this game, baby!

Happy Belated Halloween

Sometimes I wish I were one of those crazy Halloween people. I wish I were one of those folks who gets totally decked out and spends 100 smackers on a Halloween costume. I think it would be fun to go to the ward Halloween party dressed to the nines, or even have my own party. But, alas, I am not that kind of person. Instead, I try to get away with the least amount of dress-up possible. I also didn't decorate my house at all this year (but I'll blame that one on Megan).

We did, however, dress up our little play doll for Halloween. I didn't anticipate it being so much fun! She was so hilarious... just letting us change her into a ridiculous costume and take a bunch of pictures of her. She had no idea how much we were laughing. She was just so darn cute! I'm glad she doesn't realize all the things we make her do just to get a laugh. Maybe she'll hate us some day.

This costume really isn't that "ridiculous", as I mentioned above, but since it was on Megan (and 6 months too big for her) it was really funny! Here are a couple photos of our little pea pod:

And, here's one more with mommy. You can see the extent of my costume: a sombrero & glasses. Grand total: $15. Yeah, buddy.

Staring contest

The other day, Megan and I had a staring contest. Okay, she didn't realize it was a staring contest. Okay, it really wasn't a staring contest, but "staring contest" made a nice name for this blog post so I went with it.

It was mid-afternoon and Megan was quite alert. She was lying on the couch staring at.. the couch. I laid my head down in front of hers and just looked at her. She looked at me. We stared at each other for probably 15 minutes. I told her how much mommy & daddy love her, and how long we waited for her, and that she is the most beautiful baby in the world. She just listened. (I'd like to think she smiled, but I think it was just gas).

Anyway, it was really sweet. Just like our girl.

Our "twin" girls

Conversation from Heaven:

"Megan, you're my best friend."

"Evie, you're my best friend, too. I want to be your sister."

"You know we can't be sisters on earth, Megan."

"I know, but Heavenly Father says we'll still know each other. He loves us so much that He's going to let us be friends. We get to be with two families who live by each other! Isn't that exciting? We'll live in the same neighborhood and get to play with each other!"

"Wow, Heavenly Father must love us a lot, Megan. And He must love those families who are adopting us."

"See you on earth, Evie!"

"See you on earth, Megan... in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...."

And then our angels were born. Minutes apart. Here they are together:

(Eventually we'll get a picture of them awake)

Baby, I'm Amazed by You.

I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm not alone in the fact that I'm a new mom and I am absolutely obsessed with my newborn. Granted, the hubby is cute too, but the baby? She's just so amazingly ADORABLE. Okay, adorable is an incredible understatement. She's the cutest, snuggliest, most hilarious, beautifulist (if that's a word), baby I know. And she's MINE.

Here is a list of things that AMAZE me about my current life.

It is amazing to me how I never get anything done.

It is amazing to me how tired I am by 3:00 pm.

It is amazing to me how many diaper-pails full of diapers we have been through in 12 days.

It is amazing to me how curly her hair gets when it's wet.

It is amazing to me how I just can't take my eyes off her.

It is amazing to me that her little body is so perfect. She's got all the working parts.

It is amazing how much poo she can fit into one diaper... okay, how much poo can't fit in said diaper...

It is amazing to me how our lives have changed since her arrival.

It is amazing how I feel so accomplished if I can get 2 things done during the day.

It is amazing to me how many times I can write the phrase "It is amazing to me."

It is amazing to me that I think she recognizes me.

It is amazing to me that we were the recipients of such a miracle as this sweet baby.

It is amazing to me how much we love her, and we didn't even know her 2 weeks ago.

It is amazing to me when I think of her adoption story (two posts down if you haven't read it yet).

It is amazing to me how different her life will be with us, as opposed to the life she might have had.

It is amazing to me how much she absolutely needs us.

It is amazing to me how much we absolutely need her.

Baby, I'm amazed by you.

In My Daughter's Eyes

It makes me so happy when Megan is awake. She looks up at me with those adorable eyes, and I see my reflection inside them. It's one of my favorite things.

Megan's Story

Introducing Megan Roberts! (du-du-du-duuuuuuu... imagine trumpets). Our angel is finally here on earth with us. She arrived at approximately 4:15 p.m. on Thursday, October 8, 2009. She weighed in at 6 lb 5 oz, with a length of 19 inches. We had quite an adventure getting here, but she is well worth the wait. If you'd like to learn more about how she came to be with our little family, keep on reading. Here's one of my favorite pictures of our little treasure.

As you might know, Megan was the 5th baby presented to us for adoption. Every adoption "situation" in the past has seemed perfect. Every situation seemed ideal in every way, and it was heartbreaking every time we didn't receive a little one. It was really hard, and, unless you've been through it, you have no idea what it is like. Maybe it's something like a miscarriage; I don't know because I've never had one. All I know is that all the heartbreak and sad tears are being replaced. Our hearts are being sewn back together, and our only tears are tears of joy. Megan is the only baby we ever wanted. We didn't want any of those other babies; we only wanted Megan, even though we didn't know at the time. We call Megan our Black Pearl, because the name Megan means pearl. She truly is our precious treasure and we can't imagine life without her.

Here's another picture to keep you occupied as you read (because I'm far from done):

Megan's Story: We were in Virginia about 3 weeks ago attempting to adopt a baby boy. When it didn't work out, the Agency told us they had another baby for us. The birthmom is from Louisiana and was already in Utah waiting to have the baby, and she wanted the Agency to pick a family for her. She also didn't care to meet the family (which was GREAT for us, because by this point we were really sick of talking to birthmom after birthmom after birthmom...). So, we went home heartbroken from the little boy we never received, and had only an ounce of hope that we might get the next one. Megan would be Baby #5.

We waited around for her to be born , just going about life as normal. Luckily, I had already gotten baby showers (with boy stuff nonetheless) so we didn't have to worry about buying anything. We just waited. Then, birthmom was induced on October 8. Megan was born, and the Agency called to tell us she was here. Then we had to wait 24 hours for birthmom to sign relinquishment papers (giving up all parental rights). The wait was very hard, because if she didn't sign we would have to wait for yet another baby to come into the picture.

Well, we went to the Agency to sign our documents. While we were there, the Social Worker with us was beside herself because there was another baby girl born in Louisiana and they didn't have any adoptive parents for her. They asked us if we had money to go get a second baby girl, but, of course we didn't. Then she asked us out of desperation if we knew anyone that was paperwork-ready that might be able to fly out and get that baby. Well, we had some friends that have been waiting with LDS Social Services for 2 1/2 years, and so we called them and told them about the baby. They tranferred all their paperwork to our agency and they were able to fly out to Louisiana that same day and adopt the other baby girl!

I don't tell the story of the two girls very well, but it's pretty amazing. You see, my friend Christa and I have worked together in Scouts for the past year, we have both been teachers and we're pretty good friends. I always wanted them to get a baby first, because they've been waiting so long, and they're just so wonderful. Also, a couple weeks ago, our Relief Society President in our ward asked all the sisters to pray for those of us that couldn't have children. She said she knew those blessings would come to us if everyone prayed. And, you see, if we hadn't gotten Megan, we wouldn't have been signing papers at the moment we did, and the agency wouldn't have asked us if we knew anyone that could take this other baby. And, get this- the two baby girls were both from Louisiana (although ours was born here), they were born within 30 minutes of each other, they're both little black girls, and they were adopted by two couples who live right around the corner from each other. Coincidence? I think not.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. We all think we know what we want, and we think we know what we need. We think we know best. But, we don't. The Lord does. These past few months were so tough, getting our hopes up for baby after baby after baby. I had a really hard time understanding why we had so many failed adoptions. Now I see that every one of those failed adoptions had to happen for us to receive our precious Megan, and for our friends to receive their precious little girl. It amazes me. I never would have thought that the Lord had something so grand in the works; I never would have thought that we would help be an instrument for someone else to have a family. It is so incredible, and I'm so grateful that it happened this way. We couldn't be happier for our friends, and of course for ourselves.

Here's Megan, one more time. I know you were dying for one more picture. Isn't she just the most beautiful thing?

We still can hardly believe she belongs to us. She was 5 years in the waiting, and she is more-than-5-years-worth-the-wait. Granted, she's been keeping us up all night and we're extremely tired, but we don't mind. It's a treat for us to be able to love her and take care of her. We need her just as much as she needs us. What a wonderful thing.

Aliens & Softballs

Autumn is coming. Leaves are turning red, grass is turning yellow, and my green thumb is growing pale. With a season of gardening behind me, I'm not sure I've come out wiser. If anything, I've only been able to laugh at my attempts to aid in our family's food storage.

On Tuesday I spent a couple hours ripping out half the garden. I filled the big, black garbage pail thing with corn stalk, green bean plants, carrot tops, and nastified, bug-ridden what-used-to-be-watermelons. It's a nasty job, but, hey, someone has to do it. Among all the ripping out, I grabbed a little produce.

Here are half my carrots (the other half are still in the ground). You probably can't tell, but most of them are only about 3 inches long, followed by a long, stringy tail. This is beacuse I didn't till the ground deep enough so the carrots couldn't grow. If you use your imagination on the bottom row, right side, you can picture little eyes on the carrots and the whipsy tail, and see little aliens. (well, maybe normal people can't see them; only "special" people like me)

And here are my two watermelons which didn't get devoured by grasshoppers and who-knows-what-else. The bigger one was the size of a softball, and the other one was smaller than a tennis ball. They were both yummy-looking inside and very sweet, but the texture wasn't what I had hoped. We didn't eat more than a bite.
The one thing I ignored this year was my poor strawberry patch. It looks nice from a distance but is overgrown, infested with snails, and yielded about 2 strawberries this year (both of which were eaten by snails). I suppose the strawberry patch will be my added project in the Spring.

This year I planted the following things: corn, green beans, watemelon, carrots, rhubarb, butternut squash, zucchini, cucumber, tomato. (I will only be planting the bolded veggies next year.)

I guess you could sum up my garden the way a hot Mormon boy sums up a not-so-hot Mormon girl: my garden veggies have "such sweet spirits."

Painting tools are cool

Before we moved into our house 3 years ago, the previous owner planned on two-tone painting the whole place. She never finished painting the upstairs after our offer was accepted (and I don't blame her!). So, all of our bedrooms upstairs look very shabby with 10-year old eggshell-finish paint. I'm no fan of eggshell; I prefer the shinier, more washable "semi-gloss" finish.

About a month ago, my mother-in-law helped me paint the nursery. We painted it a neutral tan-ish color so it would work for either gender. It turned out very well, but seems rather boring to me now that I have color in other bedrooms. Someday when there's a baby in that room, I'll put up some gender-specific curtains and it'll make the room much cuter. I don't have a "before" picture, but here's the nursery. (We painted the wall with the window, and the wall to the right of the window.)

Then, this week, I began painting the other rooms upstairs. We went with the "only-paint-one-wall"-thing. We're a fan of color splash. The rest of the walls really need to be painted white again, but I'll have to leave that for another time. The vaulted ceilings make it a very daunting task...

Here's before & after pics of the guest room. Jared essentially picked out the peach-ish color, and I think it turned out really well! Nice and bright (although the picture doesn't do it justice).

And, here are before & after of the Master bedroom. I think the color makes the room look a million times better. Now, the window treatments stand out. Jared thinks it looks a little "girly," but he's okay with it. After all, he is married to a girl.

Lastly, I had to put in a picture of my two new favorite painting tools. The white thing in the picture is a paint liner for the paint tray. (This means you don't have to clean out the paint tray, and the liners are only 60 cents at Home Depot!). The red thing is a Paint Edger. (This means you don't have tape all the walls and windows!). I'm all about making my life easier. I'm sure my ancestors would scoff at the idea of spending an extra $2.50 for painting supplies, but hey! Time is money, and saving 4 hours of taping/cleaning is worth $2.50 to me!

I've been reading

So, my friend Heidi gave me all the letters I wrote to her while she was on her mission. During this time, my father was diagnosed with a terminal disease, I had a friend commit suicide, I had major issues within my major at BYU, and I started dating my future husband. It was a difficult and wonderful time. I wrote Heidi very consistently, often every week. She became my journal. I am so glad she gave me back these letters. I had kept copies of many of them on my computer, but have long since lost the files.

As I read the letters, I see myself in many different ways. The memories flood back at me as I remember my roommates, and I remember the crazy things we did. I was such a fun person! (sometimes I wonder what happened to that Harmony...). Anyway, at the end of almost every letter, I bore my testimony to Heidi. It has been really neat for me, as I read them, to see how I dealt with those problems at that time. Each trial was such a big part of my life, and I'm so glad I wrote down all my feelings. It reminds me that I need to start my journal again. I've had a very trying couple of months, and have felt a confetti of feelings. I've learned many things about myself, many things about life, and many things about the Lord's love.

For selfish reasons, I haven't written consistently in my journal for many years. Somehow I've been embarrassed at my inability to have children and didn't want to force people to read about my dumb emotions. I knew that a lot of women go through the same trials, and felt that it shouldn't really be a big deal. So, I thought, why take up paper talking about it? (I know, it makes absolutely no sense at all!) And, now I have missed out on years of journal-writing. I have also lost many years of life from which I can learn, or others can learn from my experiences. I really need to get back in the habit.

That's it.

The nursery door

Some of you already know this, but just in case you don't, I wanted to let you know we're not going to Mississippi. We won't be receiving our baby. Birthmother changed her mind on us. (At least we found out BEFORE we spent all the money to travel there!)

We're pretty heartbroken, but there's nothing we can do about it. So now we keep waiting. It sure would be nice to have any kind of control over having a family, but this will always be our lot in life. Having our children will always depend upon the agency of another person. Ugh. Guess I just need to get used to it.

So now we wait again. I don't like waiting. However, we feel our adoption agency is on top of things and is trying to fill our arms as soon as possible.

Until then, things are pretty much back to normal around here. After all the hustle and bustle, after the fuss of baby showers, and the countless trips to the baby store, the only thing that has changed is that we have a nursery now. Everyone was so generous to us, and we have everything we need. That's the one positive thing I can see come out of this.

I can't bring myself to close the nursery door. I guess that would somehow be parallel to giving up hope. I still find myself in that room, sitting on the glider chair, or going through all the baby things. I still look into the crib, and I still keep the room clean and sanitary. I also imagine what I might be doing had we been able to adopt our son. Yes, I still feel he was meant to be with us, and I know someday I'll see him in Heaven and love him as I do now. Sigh.

Sorry. I didn't mean for this post to be all sentimental. Just wanted to let you know.

And please, pretty please- don't tell me the phrase "It'll all work out." I hate that phrase.

I'm no farmer

I know that this has nothing to do with a baby, but I think it merits a blog post anyway. Among other things, I planted corn this year in our garden. I intended to yield enough corn to freeze a whole bunch of corn-off-the-cob for the coming months. Well, that's definitely not going to happen.

Here is a picture of the "harvest." Pretty hilarious, huh? (Notice that the corn on the left is full-sized, and they get smaller and smaller and smaller...)


In case you need a closer picture, here is my pickle-nosed corn, and then a picture of my mini-corn.





Because I was bored today, I decided to blanche and bag the corn anyway. All that work for 1/2 a bag of corn! As a side note, the corn was starchy, gross, and inedible. It ended up in the garbage. On the bright side, at least it gave me something to do for 45 minutes!


Yeah, I definitely won't be growing corn again. It's cheap enough at Wal-mart.

Three cheers...

If I wanted my team to win at a football game, I would cheer for them. If I wanted a rock band to perform an encore, I'd cheer my heart out. If I wanted my laundry done, I might use some Cheer brand laundry soap.

Seems to me, if I want something, all I have to do is cheer for it.

Please join me in giving three cheers to our son, to encourage him to make his prescence in the world. So put on your short-shorts, dig out your pom-poms, put your hair in a pony and repeat with me:

Hip, hip hoo-ray! {clap} Come out to-day! {clap}

Hip, hip hoo-ray! {clap} Come out to-day! {clap}

Hip, hip hoo-ray! {clap} Come out to-day! {clap}

Please stay tuned. I'll let you know if it worked.

Does he know?

I keep looking in his basinette, and in his crib, and at his little clothes, and I try to picture what he is going to look like, and how tiny he will be. I think of singing him lullabies, rocking him to sleep, and cuddling his sweet body. And I keep thinking, does he know how long we have waited for him? Does he know how precious he is to us? Does he know he is the answer to thousands of prayers? Does he know how much we love him, even though we've never met him?

Does he know? If he doesn't, he will, because we will tell him every day.

Baby preparation

I figure it's time to write a new post. There's not much new in the Baby Front. We're still waiting anxiously for our Little Mister to make his entrance into the world.

Here are some of things we've done in preparation for Baby:

• Sanded back deck
• Stained/painted deck (because it will never get done if it's not done now!)
• Scrubbed the basinette until it shined
• Moved everything into/out of Baby's room
• Put together crib
• cleaned crib and "fixed" all the scratches with furniture oil
• edged all carpeting
• cleaned all baseboards
• Cleaned all carpets (with a Rug Doctor)
• a dozen other random things I can't think of at the moment

I still have a list of things I need to do before we go to Mississippi, but I know I'll never get them all done. Plus, I'm sure there's got to be some things I'll forget to do. Hopefully it's nothing that can't wait!

_____________________________

Up until this past Saturday we had only a handful of baby items. A beautiful thing happened on Saturday to change all of that: BABY SHOWERS! That's right. I said showers- with an "s". I had a ward shower from 12:00-2:00, and then a family/other-friends shower from 3:00-5:00. We are amazed at the generosity of our friends and family, and are so grateful for their help. Now we feel much better and have most of the things we need. All the baby stuff is so cute (yes, even the diaper cream is cute!) and it makes me want our baby to come NOW!

One highlight of my Shower Day was that my friend Becky from Arizona flew in and surprised me! She flew in just for my shower, and left the next day! Boy, did I feel special. Because she came all the way out for me, I feel I at least owe her a picture on my blog. Here's Becky and I. We've been friends since middle school and she is one of my dearest friends in the whole world.

I also had some very cute cakes that were made for my showers. The following cake was made by my friend Heather for my first shower.

Pretty funny, huh?

And then, at my next shower, my friend Raven made these cute mini-cakes. There were 10 mini-cakes, and together they spelled out the words "Welcome Baby".

Aren't these wonderful? She has a business called Dollhouse Cakes.

http://www.dollhousecakes.com/

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all our family and friends for all your support! It means a lot to us that you care so much. It is impossible to say how overwhelmed we feel with the love and support we have received. Everything has come together so smoothly, and we feel this is the way it was always meant to be. Thanks again, everyone!