So, my friend Heidi gave me all the letters I wrote to her while she was on her mission. During this time, my father was diagnosed with a terminal disease, I had a friend commit suicide, I had major issues within my major at BYU, and I started dating my future husband. It was a difficult and wonderful time. I wrote Heidi very consistently, often every week. She became my journal. I am so glad she gave me back these letters. I had kept copies of many of them on my computer, but have long since lost the files.
As I read the letters, I see myself in many different ways. The memories flood back at me as I remember my roommates, and I remember the crazy things we did. I was such a fun person! (sometimes I wonder what happened to that Harmony...). Anyway, at the end of almost every letter, I bore my testimony to Heidi. It has been really neat for me, as I read them, to see how I dealt with those problems at that time. Each trial was such a big part of my life, and I'm so glad I wrote down all my feelings. It reminds me that I need to start my journal again. I've had a very trying couple of months, and have felt a confetti of feelings. I've learned many things about myself, many things about life, and many things about the Lord's love.
For selfish reasons, I haven't written consistently in my journal for many years. Somehow I've been embarrassed at my inability to have children and didn't want to force people to read about my dumb emotions. I knew that a lot of women go through the same trials, and felt that it shouldn't really be a big deal. So, I thought, why take up paper talking about it? (I know, it makes absolutely no sense at all!) And, now I have missed out on years of journal-writing. I have also lost many years of life from which I can learn, or others can learn from my experiences. I really need to get back in the habit.