Sunday, January 29, 2012

Since November

I took a bird's-eye view of my blog the other day. I realized it was just... a LOT of words. I haven't even posted a picture of Megan since November. November! I'm sorry, folks. Here I am yappity-yappin' my big-mouthed words, and I'm not even giving you what you want.

(because I know that what you want is pictures of Megan...)

So here are a bunch of cute pictures from the last couple months for those of you who want them:

This is Megan with my mom, "Grandma", who taught Megan how to say "yyyyyyyyeeeeeesssssssss!"

Megan likes to pretend she is putting on mascara (I wonder where she got that from?)

I love this picture: Megan in my shoes, a purse, and a camera. Just like mommy.
(Oh, and T's arm. He wanted the camera...)

Megan loved this snowman from Grandma. We had to sing Frosty the Snowman to her at bed time for several weeks.

Megan got to be an angel on Christmas Eve for the family Nativity. She was obviously thrilled, as evidenced in the picture...

I absolutely love the following picture of Megan and her cousin on Christmas Day:

One of Megan's favorite Christmas gifts was a cleaning set.
Why not teach her while she's young?

I always forget to take pictures of Evie and Megan. This time I remembered.
(note to Evie's mom: feel free to steal this pic off my blog)

That's it, folks! I hope to upload a couple of videos of Megan soon.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

maybe I'm the only one

Am I the only one that wants to look older? Seriously, I just want to appear my age. I have always looked younger than I am for some reason. I don't know if it's because I'm so short, or because I'm still holding onto [all of] my baby fat, or if I act young and immature, of if maybe I should just get a hair cut. Whatever the reason, I've always been so annoyed that people think I'm younger than I really am.

When I was college it was, "oh, so are you with a high school group visiting the campus?". Or "You're not honestly getting married, are you? Aren't you still in high school?" When I was teaching it was, "you're the teacher? I thought you were a student (in an elementary school)." Now it's, "so, how long you been married? A year or two?" (Try eight).

Everyone always told me, "you'll like to look younger... when you're older." Bah. Hum. Bug. I'm older now. (ok, maybe you still think I'm still a spring chicken, but I honestly am older than I was before). By the time you are 30 you should be happy when someone thinks you're 23, right? Not me.

Am I the only one?

I would be thrilled if someone guessed my age correctly. I've always wanted to stop at one of those "Guess Your Age" booths at the amusement park. I am sure I could win all the stuffed animals there. At least then maybe I'd feel like something good came out of my silly predicament.

When we got married, I thought, oh, we'll just have kids and then people will know we've been married at least that long plus a year or so; then they'll know how old I really am!...  ha ha! That plan failed dramatically.

Now I have a vibrant two-year old. So, what do people automatically assume? That I am 21 or 22. Because that's how old all Mormon girls are when their first child is two.

WRONG! Obviously. On so many levels. Really.

I'm not really sure what I was trying to accomplish by writing this post. Maybe the Great Age Wizard will come give me some wrinkles in my sleep. Or maybe tomorrow I will wake up 100 years old and wish I looked 30. But, then again, when I am 100 years old, I probably will look 30....

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

too much cool

My awesome husband got me a smartphone for Christmas. Now I'm cool. I know how to throw stuff at fake birds with my finger. I can cut a virtual rope to feed candy to a monster. I can play word games with my friends. I can check Facebook in about 2 seconds. I can text to my heart's content. So if I go MIA, it's because I'm now too cool for the blogosphere... at least until my phone is no longer a novelty. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I need to go find my phone.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

to have loved and lost

I am not crying today, though I think I probably should be.

This morning I gathered all of T & B's things- their clothes, toys, blankies & barf rags- and dropped it all off at their parents' house. I went inside the house and gave baby B some long hugs & kisses (though she seemed much more interested in all of the toys I had just brought over) and I gave little T hugs & kisses, too. If you asked me 3 months ago if I loved these children I would have said, "I'm not really attached, so, no." But now? I do surely love them. And I miss them. Just a little.

Don't get me wrong; it is really nice to just be us again. Life will be less stressful now. But, at the same time, it is kind of strange that I won't be picking them up to have them at our house any more. It's okay, though. I know that they are where they need to be. I know that their parents have tried very hard and are doing their best, and as far as I can tell, the children will be well taken care of and they will be safe.

It's funny. We have loved lots of children, but have only ever gotten to keep Megan. I loved all of those babies we were supposed to adopt before Megan. I remember loving all 4 of them (even though we only ever met one). I remember that with each one, I felt intense pain as we lost them. Before adoption, when we were trying to have our own children, I felt love for the children I thought we would have. (I don't really know how that works since we obviously never had any to begin with... but I felt love still the same.) And now these children, T & B, that we so recently gave back, I loved them too. I really did. I do have to say, though, that none of that love is as great as what I feel for Megan. Hands down, the love I have for her trumps all other love I have ever felt for any other child. But still...

I've had all this love, for all these children, and I most likely don't get to see any of them again.  If I think about it too much it could sure take a toll on me. However, I have seen the strength and life lessons that have come to me from each kind of love, and from each experience.  

Our family life is certainly not what we envisioned, but we are so grateful for the way things have turned out thus far. I don't know the reasons for most of what goes on with my life; I just know to trust in my Heavenly Father and I know that He will lead us to children that are supposed to be with us. The thing I do know is that there is a plan for us. It is not all random. I know that our calling as parents is different, but it is still good. I am grateful for the knowlege I have that I can be with my family forever; that all of the struggles and heartache and pain we go through to find our family will be worth it, because we can be with them forever. I wish everyone else knew that, too.

Anyway... I guess that's it for now.