Some of you already know this, but just in case you don't, I wanted to let you know we're not going to Mississippi. We won't be receiving our baby. Birthmother changed her mind on us. (At least we found out BEFORE we spent all the money to travel there!)
We're pretty heartbroken, but there's nothing we can do about it. So now we keep waiting. It sure would be nice to have any kind of control over having a family, but this will always be our lot in life. Having our children will always depend upon the agency of another person. Ugh. Guess I just need to get used to it.
So now we wait again. I don't like waiting. However, we feel our adoption agency is on top of things and is trying to fill our arms as soon as possible.
Until then, things are pretty much back to normal around here. After all the hustle and bustle, after the fuss of baby showers, and the countless trips to the baby store, the only thing that has changed is that we have a nursery now. Everyone was so generous to us, and we have everything we need. That's the one positive thing I can see come out of this.
I can't bring myself to close the nursery door. I guess that would somehow be parallel to giving up hope. I still find myself in that room, sitting on the glider chair, or going through all the baby things. I still look into the crib, and I still keep the room clean and sanitary. I also imagine what I might be doing had we been able to adopt our son. Yes, I still feel he was meant to be with us, and I know someday I'll see him in Heaven and love him as I do now. Sigh.
Sorry. I didn't mean for this post to be all sentimental. Just wanted to let you know.
And please, pretty please- don't tell me the phrase "It'll all work out." I hate that phrase.