Friday, September 11, 2009

The nursery door

Some of you already know this, but just in case you don't, I wanted to let you know we're not going to Mississippi. We won't be receiving our baby. Birthmother changed her mind on us. (At least we found out BEFORE we spent all the money to travel there!)

We're pretty heartbroken, but there's nothing we can do about it. So now we keep waiting. It sure would be nice to have any kind of control over having a family, but this will always be our lot in life. Having our children will always depend upon the agency of another person. Ugh. Guess I just need to get used to it.

So now we wait again. I don't like waiting. However, we feel our adoption agency is on top of things and is trying to fill our arms as soon as possible.

Until then, things are pretty much back to normal around here. After all the hustle and bustle, after the fuss of baby showers, and the countless trips to the baby store, the only thing that has changed is that we have a nursery now. Everyone was so generous to us, and we have everything we need. That's the one positive thing I can see come out of this.

I can't bring myself to close the nursery door. I guess that would somehow be parallel to giving up hope. I still find myself in that room, sitting on the glider chair, or going through all the baby things. I still look into the crib, and I still keep the room clean and sanitary. I also imagine what I might be doing had we been able to adopt our son. Yes, I still feel he was meant to be with us, and I know someday I'll see him in Heaven and love him as I do now. Sigh.

Sorry. I didn't mean for this post to be all sentimental. Just wanted to let you know.

And please, pretty please- don't tell me the phrase "It'll all work out." I hate that phrase.

14 comments:

Joanna said...

Harmony, I'm so sorry. We'll be thinking of you and Jared and remembering you in our prayers.

Marcie said...

I'm so sorry Harmony :( I pray that another baby will come your way soon.

Lisa Fox said...

Harmony, You are truly a daughter of God with the most amazing spirit. I have always thought of you as someone amazing and after reading this I KNOW you are! Don't let that light stop shining!

Dusty and Amy said...

I think you are right on about keeping that sweet little nursery door open, Harmony. There is always hope. We love you.

Tammi said...

Harmony, I love you! You are amazing and I truly appreciate your friendship! You are in my prayers daily! Anything you ever need, ANYTHING, you ask me and it's yours!

Judy said...

Our love and support continue your way. Know that we share in your joys and your sorrows.

Jenn said...

Oh, Harmony. I'm so sorry. You are so incredibly strong. Tears are blurring my vision and I can't see what I'm typing. Love you, sweet girl.

mikensi.jimmy said...

i <3 u, harmony!! ^.^

Barbara said...

NOoooo! Harmony I'm so sorry. I cant believe that can happen to such an awesome person like yourself. I cant imagine the heartbreak you are feeling right now. We will be thinking of you and praying for your fam.

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry. We had something like this happen also before Carly came. But she did come, in her time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Keep that door wide open!

Adam and Shari Crawford said...

I hate that phrase more than anything else in the world! They can't see into the future...... I love you girl. You guys will be the best parents EVER and the Lord knows it. Because of that fact, you WILL be parents and WILL have children in your lives. He's not going to waste your amazing talents. Someday I hope to have the same success you will have....

That Girl said...

I think I've stared at this comment box for a good five minutes, and I'm still coming up blank.

I just want to hug you.

Liz said...

Oh my goodness. I just saw this now. I echo what everyone else has commented. Sheesh. What the heck? Well, at least now with the next possible baby, you won't have to scramble and worry so much about getting the house ready. Ugh, let's pray that the birth mom takes good care of this child. You and Jared will be awesome parents when the time is right. Wow, the Lord really wants to test you, huh?
Harmony-- Let me know if you need anything, okay? I want to hang out soon. Just tell me when and I'll be there to cheer ya up!

Megan, Peter, and Benjamin said...

I add my love and prayers with everyone else! That is very heartbreaking! As I was reading it, I couldn't stop thinking about Becca Brubaker and their experience getting Cole. They were so confused at first because they felt like Cole was suppose to be with them, but then were feeling that they weren't suppose to take him. In the end, it turned out that it just wasn't the right time to have Cole in their home. Don't close that nursery door! Don't give up hope!! We all love you! Keep the faith!!