I haven't thrown up yet; I'm saving that for the plane.
I know I shouldn't be scared; zillions of mommies travel with their babies. Megan is 5 months old, and it's not like she's too young to travel. I guess it's just the fact that I've never traveled with a baby before.
I've been talking to my older, wiser, beautiful, generous sister Jazzy, and she's been telling me more about how to travel with a baby. She's been asnwering all my questions about what to check-in, what to check at the gate, how to travel (stroller or Baby Bjorn-style), what to do if you have to pee on the plane, what to do if you need to change a diaper on the plane, how to get water for a bottle, and a buncha other stuff I never had to think about before. All of that is a little bit stressful and will cause me to think a little more than usual. But this isn't what's scary to me.
It's really stupid, the thing(s) I'm scared about. Seriously, it's so dumb and I shouldn't even mention it because you'll just think I'm an overprotective, obsessive parent. But, yes, of course, I'll tell you.
I'm scared of someone stealing Megan. Or, I'm scared I'll somehow leave her somewhere and lose her. Or, I'm scared they won't let me on the plane with her because they won't believe me that she's mine, and then they'll want proof of adoption, but I don't have proof because the adoption isn't finalized yet. I'm scared that I'll be stuck in Denver and won't have anywhere to go because they won't let me on the plane. Or, I'm scared that I'll have to use the bathroom on the plane really, really badly, and I'll misjudge someone next to me and let them hold Megan while I go, and then come back and she'll be gone. Or, that I'll fall asleep on the plane with her in my arms, and I'll wake up and she won't be there. Or, I'm scared that some lady will try to steal Megan away from me, and when I find the security guards, they won't believe me and I'll never get her back. Or- and this is the stupidest one of all- I'm scared that somehow I'll run in to Megan's birthmom (which I know would never happen) and she'll say "can I hold her?" and I'll say "yes" and then she'll run away with her, and I'll never see Megan again.
Tell me I'm not crazy and tell me you've had these feelings, too. Please? Even tell me a lie that you've had these feelings, and then I won't feel like such an idiot.What is my problem? Why is my
heart beating a million times a minute?
Okay. That's it. I'm going to go have some nightmares now, like I did last night...