I really wish I could show you all pictures of our little foster kids. Seriously, they are so cute and funny. Especially the baby. It's so easy to fall in love with a baby, and this one is just so darn stinkin' cute. She's got these buggy eyes that are always wide open,and she smiles like nothing I've ever seen. Her head is ginormous. The sounds she makes when she's eating, her weird grunt and her gibberish. She's so sweet and cuddly and always has the funniest look on her face. And her laugh? And the way she kicks when she takes a bath? Oh man, I don't want to give her up.
The boy, he's a cutie, too. Granted, I have found it harder to love him but I think that's because he's older and already has habits that drive me crazy. And he whines all day long. But, when he's happy he is SUCH a cutie. He's got a precious little smile and he's such a sweetheart. Every night when I put him to bed, when I'm hugging him and singing to him, I just want him to feel loved. He always wants hugs, and wants food even more. We surely would keep him, too, if that were an option (which it is not).
I wonder how these two kids got so unlucky. It just makes me so sad that they have the life that they do. To them, I'm sure it's normal, because they're not old enough yet to know that they don't deserve the junk they've been through. Living at our house, then being at their parents' house, then back to our house, and all these random adults. Who's who? Who is really mom? Who is really dad? Why do I stay with these people and then go stay with these other people? Why do I have different rules in this house than I have in the other house?
Well, maybe they're not thinking that hard, but I still feel sorry for them. Why were they given the circumstances they were given? It really bothers me sometimes. Megan was born into poverty, but then given to us to have a more comfortable life. Lucky Megan! Meanwhile, little T & B are born to a mother & father who... without divulging too much information... should not be able to parent them. Yes, little T & B will be going home soon. What's up with that? It's just not fair to them. They should be in a loving home with parents who are capable and will keep them safe. I can only hope that their parents will be better parents than they were before. But I have no control over that. It just kills me that these sweet, innocent, little children of God have no choice in the matter.
Oh, blah. I just wonder sometimes why some of us seem so blessed in life, and others seem so unfortunate. What did I do to be born into a wonderful family, to have the Gospel in my life, to live in the USA, to have a great husband, to have a comfortable home, to be able to go out to dinner every once in a while? And why are others born into poverty? I need to be more grateful for what I have, and I need to pray for those who don't. Usually I just don't think about these things, though. When I think too hard I just get sad.
I especially will be praying for these children and for their parents. I just hope they can all be happy and healthy when they return home.
And then we will move on.
The textbook answer is one you've heard before, undoubtedly. There is good with bad, light with dark, joy and pain. Each needs its opposite. The reality of experience is much harder to swallow. In the end, all you can do is your best. And hopefully those glimmers of love will stay with these kids and later, when they do see there is a difference, they will choose a better life. Plant the seed, hope it grows. That is all we can do.
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