in which I like BYU, steal a friend's phrase & brag about my skills

I have never been a very confident person. I think all women are that way. We know we're good people. We can list all of our good qualities and we think we're pretty average and that's just dandy. But, then there is a list a mile longer which includes all of our faults. It lists every quality we want to have, and listed next to each quality is the name of a perfect friend who does have that quality. Then we think about it and feel bad again.  If you're a woman then you understand. And, if you're a man you are probably not reading my blog anyway.

But that's not what I am supposed to be blogging about.

Once upon a time (10 years ago-ish) I was a student at BYU. I was actually quite lucky in the matter. BYU was the only school I even applied for, and I only ever wanted to major in Music, which is what I did- and never changed my major. But, on the other hand, that Music Major did just as much harm for my self-esteem as it did good.

When I got into the music program at BYU I was pretty excited because I definitely was not the best voice in the program. Nevertheless, I somehow convinced the right person to let me in. The majority of the vocal faculty didn't like me. They often told me I wasn't good enough and they made me feel like the dirt underneath the dirt. In fact, when I left BYU, one of the faculty members told me I shouldn't be able to even graduate because I was such a bad singer. He said that if he heard me singing in church and then found out I was a BYU vocal grad he would think less of the BYU vocal program. That comment still hurts me to this day. I know I'm not that bad. (Actually, I have gotten much better at singing since college. It's amazing how much more you can excel at something when you're not judged on it). In fact, oodles more people have told me I'm great than have told me I'm bad. I think that nutty professor must have been PMS-ing when he told me I was awful. I never want to see that man again. If I do, I will hide. And then I will shoot him with a bb gun.

But that's not what I'm supposed to be blogging about, either.

I'm supposed to be blogging about the fact that I like BYU. Which I do!!! I loooooove BYU! I definitely have blue blood and I'm very proud of my alma mater. I had a great education!

And now I will praise the Music Department. Though I had a less-than-stellar experience as mentioned above, the BYU music program was awesome for my musicianship. This is where I will brag about myself-------> Because of BYU, I have a really great foundation of music theory and I am quite good at it. Also, I was a really good elementary music teacher for 3 years after college, having learned my skills from BYU. And lastly, I have some mad sightreading skills. I know my do re mi's better than I know my own mother. I hear solfedge (do re mi's) when I listen to songs on the radio. I can look at almost any piece of music and sing it for you because I have such mad skills. Seriously. I don't like to brag, but I really am pretty darn good at it. And now you might think I'm a pompous brat. And that's okay. Because I'm not.

So.... why do I bring this up (and after 4 neverending paragraphs?)? I bring it up because it is something I actually excel in and something that makes me happy. My musical skills help me find solace in a world full of strife and heartache. You see, I joined this incredible community choir called the Mapleton Chorale. And it has been so wonderful. (Props to my husband for letting me leave him for 3 hours every Thursday night!) My soul has really needed a musical outelt, and I am so glad that I have one. This choir is a lot of work. We have to memorize a new piece of music every week which is not an easy task for a busy mom. However, my mad sightreading skills really help me accomplish that goal (see it all coming full-circle?). Also, because of my mad sightreading skills, I get asked to sing different musical parts all the time in choir, because the director knows I can read anything. It makes me feel really happy. It makes me feel like I still have some skills besides changing 11 poopy diapers in one day. It makes me feel like I didn't just throw my expensive education out the window; I am still using my education!

So... maybe there was really no point to this post after all. I just felt like venting about my BYU experience and also felt like saying how happy I am that my BYU experience led me to be able to enjoy my musicality again. Church choir just wasn't cutting it. Now I get to be in a choir with an amazing conductor and we get to sing beautiful, inspiring, faithful music which warms my soul.

So, thanks, BYU.

(oh, and the phrase I stole is the phrase "in which I..." in the title of my post. My lovely girl friend over at Pensievity pretty much owns that phrase, and I should probably be sending her a check for $600 just for borrowing it).

life thoughts

I really wish I could show you all pictures of our little foster kids. Seriously, they are so cute and funny. Especially the baby. It's so easy to fall in love with a baby, and this one is just so darn stinkin' cute. She's got these buggy eyes that are always wide open,and she smiles like nothing I've ever seen. Her head is ginormous. The sounds she makes when she's eating, her weird grunt and her gibberish. She's so sweet and cuddly and always has the funniest look on her face. And her laugh? And the way she kicks when she takes a bath? Oh man, I don't want to give her up.

The boy, he's a cutie, too. Granted, I have found it harder to love him but I think that's because he's older and already has habits that drive me crazy. And he whines all day long. But, when he's happy he is SUCH a cutie. He's got a precious little smile and he's such a sweetheart. Every night when I put him to bed, when I'm hugging him and singing to him, I just want him to feel loved. He always wants hugs, and wants food even more. We surely would keep him, too, if that were an option (which it is not).

I wonder how these two kids got so unlucky. It just makes me so sad that they have the life that they do. To them, I'm sure it's normal, because they're not old enough yet to know that they don't deserve the junk they've been through. Living at our house, then being at their parents' house, then back to our house, and all these random adults. Who's who? Who is really mom? Who is really dad? Why do I stay with these people and then go stay with these other people? Why do I have different rules in this house than I have in the other house?

Well, maybe they're not thinking that hard, but I still feel sorry for them. Why were they given the circumstances they were given? It really bothers me sometimes. Megan was born into poverty, but then given to us to have a more comfortable life. Lucky Megan! Meanwhile, little T & B are born to a mother & father who... without divulging too much information... should not be able to parent them. Yes, little T & B will be going home soon. What's up with that? It's just not fair to them. They should be in a loving home with parents who are capable and will keep them safe. I can only hope that their parents will be better parents than they were before. But I have no control over that. It just kills me that these sweet, innocent, little children of God have no choice in the matter.

Oh, blah. I just wonder sometimes why some of us seem so blessed in life, and others seem so unfortunate. What did I do to be born into a wonderful family, to have the Gospel in my life, to live in the USA, to have a great husband, to have a comfortable home, to be able to go out to dinner every once in a while? And why are others born into poverty? I need to be more grateful for what I have, and I need to pray for those who don't. Usually I just don't think about these things, though. When I think too hard I just get sad.

I especially will be praying for these children and for their parents. I just hope they can all be happy and healthy when they return home.

And then we will move on.

The Many Faces of Megan

A few weeks ago Megan was in a goofy mood, so I snapped a few cute pics. And, please excuse the state of her hair. It was morning and I hadn't done it yet. Enjoy!

_______________________________________________________________________

Headwear

Sometimes it is hard to do Megan's hair in the morning. Often she will not sit still for me. Luckily, there is an easy fix. It may get me stares in the supermarket or at church, but at least it covers up her nappy hair.

Just call her Diaperhead.

No, I don't really let her wear diapers on her head in public, but I totally would if it were socially acceptable.

2-year photos

A few weeks ago Megan had her 2-year photo shoot. My friend, over at capturedmomentsbytami, took these adorable pictures just 5 days before she gave birth to her own little girl. Double brownie points to Tami!

I look at these pictures- the full head of hair, the hair clips, the big girl shoes, the purse in tow- and I realize that my baby isn't such a baby any more. She has turned into a vivacious, assertive, sweet, spunky, and funny little girl.  Not to mention that she's she most beautiful child that ever walked the face of the earth...

Here are some of my favorites.

A close-up of her sweet face.

Here Megan is with her prop of choice: a purse.

We tried to get Megan to pose with her hands. At least it made for some funny pictures.

In the following picture she looks like she is posing, but she actually just has her hand down her diaper.

I love this next one because it shows a little bit of sass:

Now, for my favorite picture of all. It is the essence of our cute little Megan.

We love our little girl so much and we feel so blessed to have her forever.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Megan!