Thursday, July 8, 2010

Nine Months

Warning: this is a mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey, sentimental-type of blog post. Read at your own risk.

I don't know why Megan being 9 months old today is such a big deal to me. Nine months- the amount of time I missed out on. Nine months- a crucial time in her existence that I couldn't be a part of. The only thing I regret is that I never got those first 9 months with her; that I didn't grow her myself. Now that she's 9 months old, I feel like I can have some claim on her (is that strange?).

I just love Megan SOOOOOOOOOO much!

Megan is such a darling girl. She's definitely the cutest little girl I've ever seen in my life, and she's the cutest girl you've ever seen, too (don't deny it). Not only is she adorable to look at, but she's such a well-tempered baby. As much work as she is, she's worth every second of whining, of crying, of feeding, of poopy hands, and of messy face. Her smile is contagious and her laugh brings sunshine with it. She does so many funny things I can't begin to list them all.

Sometimes I wonder how different her personality might be had she not been adopted by us. Would she be just as happy being with her birthmom, or with some other family? Would her circumstances have made her a different baby? Would she smile as much, would she laugh as much? Would she be so predictable with her schedule? Would she still play well by herself? Would she still enjoy being social? I have to wonder if any of these things came from us. Nature vs. nurture. I'm sure some things would stay the same, but I'd like to think we've had some influence on important things such as her demeanor and personality. I don't know. Maybe as she grows up, we'll see ourselves in her, as all parents want to see. Right now it is hard to tell.

I really can't believe that 9 months have passed. I look at her newborn pictures and it feels like we've only had her a few days. But, at the same time, it feels like we've had her forever. Where has the time gone? Have I wasted her time? Have I done everything I need to do? Have I nurtured her enough in these 9 months? I know nothing about being a parent, besides what my parents did & what I've seen other people do. I know I forget things all the time, and she'll probably get to kindergarten and her teacher will think, didn't this girl's mother teacher her anything?? I don't know when the right time is to teacher her to read, or to pottytrain her, or teach her colors, or teach her to count.... I'll figure it out as I go along. But I do know that I love her more than any other woman on this earth loves her. Is that enough?

I rambled on forever in this post, and I apologize that I say the same things over and over (and over and over and over and over and over) again. I just love my gorgeous baby girl so much and I want everyone to know. I want her to know. I want to be the best mom, though I know I fall short. But, regardless of what I do or don't do, I'll always be her mom, and I guess that's what counts.


Tami said...

She is dang cute and so lucky you are her parents! I love the dress! She looked so cute in it on Sunday!

Sarah said...

I have often wondered and felt many of those same things. Don't be afraid, you've got it in you to be her best mom. It is who you are meant to be.